Practical Anger Management Tips for Christian Moms

Most moms struggle with anger at some point, but they don’t want to be an angry mom. If you are one of those moms I want to encourage you with some practical tips that I have found helpful, especially for Christian moms who want Biblical help.

Anger comes from a place of overwhelm, but learning to recognize it and work through it will help you go a long way on your journey to being the calm mom you want to be.

I myself was surprised when I wasn’t the kind of mom I wanted to be when I had always wanted to be a mom of a bunch of little ones. It’s amazing how fast a rough day or sleep deprivation can bring on a bad mood or short temper in me. The good news is that with God’s help I am working on becoming a healthier mom, and you can learn to better handle anger issues too.

What is anger?

Anger is the way our body tells us that something is too much. I have had to work with anger in my motherhood journey off and on, but recently I realized this and it has helped me so much. Anger tells us that we are overwhelmed, whether it is spiritually, emotionally, or physically.

The feeling of anger in itself is not sin. Ephesians 4:26 says “Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath:” This verse tells us we are not doing anything wrong in itself with having the feeling of anger. That does not make us bad moms.

This is something many of us struggle with. For myself I thought for many years that just feeling angry was bad, so I tried to stuff down my feelings and just not think about the problems around me. That is actually an unhealthy way of coping with negative emotions. 

The verse also tells us that there are limits. Anger that is not managed right can become sin. It also tells us that we should work through our anger and put a limit on it.

First Step to Dealing With Anger: Ask Yourself Where It Comes From

Now whenever I start to feel anger coming on, I first try to stop and ask myself, “What is too much for me now?” What is triggering me to feel this way? Is it too much for me spiritually, emotionally, or physically? Am I facing too much from my past, in my present, or some kind of pain?

Sometimes just recognizing the real reason for where your struggle is coming from will help you to get over your anger. The next time you feel anger coming on, ask yourself, “What is too much for me now?”

Spiritual Struggles

Some of our struggles can be spiritual. Maybe you are going through too much in your wrestling with God, and so it makes you get angry quickly. Are you having struggles in your soul or conscience? That can be a huge mental load. Sometimes when I have felt God asking me to do something, and I have been fighting it, it has made me angry even with my children much quicker.

Emotional Struggles

Perhaps you are struggling emotionally and it is too much for you to deal with. Maybe you feel rejected or hurt by others. Maybe you lost someone you love. When I realized that some of my struggles some days came just from feeling like some others did not care about me, I could work through it much better. Again, for right now, just look for what is too much for you. Later I will be sharing more tips for working through your feelings.

Physical Struggles

As much as I hate to admit it, when I am feeling low physically I simply struggle with getting angry quicker. Maybe your body is telling you that you have too much going on physically. Maybe it’s lack of sleep or your hormones are way off causing mom rage. Just recognizing where the anger comes from can help you overcome it. 

I remember one day feeling so very angry with someone. I couldn’t understand why I felt it so strongly. Then I remembered having read somewhere that hormones could cause pregnancy or postpartum rage. I was pregnant or had a young baby at the time, and the reminder was just what I needed. Just knowing that I was probably feeling so intensely because of hormones and not because I was actually so upset took the feelings from me and I could come to a place of peace again.

Long-Term Ways to Come to Peace and Less Anger

If you deal with a lot of anger regularly maybe you need a deep check into what is going on in your life. It can be scary to dig deep into our feelings, but it is a necessary part of becoming a good mother for our children. Do you need to maybe deal with too much from your past, in your present, or from some pain?

Too Much Past

Sometimes we are stuck in our past and just can’t let go.  It causes us to be short-tempered with our children as we are carrying too much for us to bear. 

If you are living with guilt or regrets, take them to the cross of Jesus and let Him take the weight of your past. That will free you from being too overwhelmed in those areas, and so you might not need to struggle so much with anger.

If you need more help working through your past, get a trusted friend or counselor to help you out. It’s worth the hard work for the peace it can bring you.

Too Much Present

Sometimes there is just too much going on around us and our internal alarm turns on the anger. I believe God designed it as a way for us to protect ourselves in danger, or just to step back and see how we can correct the situation. When you feel anger coming on when too much is going on, make a check of what needs to change. 

Clutter

If our home is too full and messy, it can often set off anger in us moms. If you find yourself frequently frustrated at your children and the condition of your home, it may be that you need a reset. Work on your housekeeping, minimalizing, and getting rid of extras. Teach your children to help out with chores. For myself just getting the house cleaned up can work wonders for my mood and make me a less angry person. 

Of course, that is not to say that everything needs to always stay perfectly organized. We can’t have unrealistic expectations of our children. After all, we live and work here, and young children don’t keep everything in perfect order. There are also seasons of motherhood where we are in survival mode and have to learn to just rest even with some mess. But the more you can get your house in order, the less overwhelming it will be. 

To-do

I have found that I easily get angry if I am trying to get too much done. When I am busy working on projects or everyday life, little interruptions from my children can make me frustrated. I am learning that when I feel anger coming on, I need to stop and see what is it that I am trying to do too much of.

Often I need to pull myself away from my tasks and hobbies. I know we can’t always stop everything, but if you find yourself frequently frustrated, maybe you need to cut out a bunch of things on your to-do list. When it is necessary, it’s amazing how much we can take off our plate.

Disobedience

Another thing that quickly makes me an angry, snappy mom is when my children disobey repeated commands or are slow to do what they should. I have given my children permission to remind me when I start getting frustrated. One of my girls very easily says, “You are impatient,” as soon as I start to respond more sharply.

I have found that they much prefer consequences for their actions over my anger outbursts, which hurt their own emotions. So I have started that as soon as they remind me or I feel myself getting short-tempered, I try to pause and think of different ways to respond. Then I say, “Sorry, I am feeling angry, but I need to change.” If they have not been obeying I tell them they will have to do an extra chore (or whatever consequence I decide on) if they don’t soon get it done. I try to make it something that I can calmly carry through. 

Work on consistency and teaching obedience. Calmly, firmly give consequences instead of getting sharp-tongued with your children. Mine at least prefer that over having an angry parent. 

Through this all you can also be a good example to your children on how to let go of anger. The first years of motherhood can be so intense and we hardly have time to take care of our own needs. But as we do our best to be the best mom we can for our children, we can create a safe place for our children to learn to work through their own emotional responses.

Too Much Pain

Sometimes the pain you carry from someone hurting you can be the root of your anger. Again, anger in itself is not a sin. It tells us that someone is not or has not treated us right and it is too much for us. But we need to learn to deal with it right so that we don’t pass the hurt on to our children.

If you are struggling with hurt, I don’t have all the answers. But I want to share a bit of my experience in hopes that maybe it can help you.

I have had to work through some hurts from others. It taught me that when the thoughts of how unfair some people are were going round and round in my mind, I tended to be frustrated much quicker with my children. It is because my mind is too busy and so it is too much to have them interrupt me. I have had to learn to work through the pain so I can come to a place of rest.

How to Work Through Pain

There are two ways of doing that. One is through forgiveness, and another is through accepting that I can’t change anyone else, just myself. 

I heard some quote somewhere along the lines of that sometimes we find out our anger is actually grief. I have found that to be true. Feeling the pain of a loss is hard, so sometimes we prefer to be angry so we can make the problem about the other person, instead of just accepting and grieving our loss. 

It doesn’t mean I have to ever trust those people again (and you don’t need to either), but I can feel the anger and grief, and then let it go, and accept that I can’t make anyone change.

For example, I have often desired a closer relationship with some friends and relatives. But after realizing that my invitations and requests were not that important to them, and that to some extent loneliness would continue to follow me, I had to grieve the loss of friendships as I dreamed of.  When I allowed myself to feel the grief, the anger went away and I was able to mother better.

It’s usually not simple or easy, and I am not saying I have all the answers. But most everyone would benefit from taking a good look at their triggers instead of brushing them away. Feel the pain, ask God to heal it, and let go of trying to make others change.

Sometimes I find my mind just keeps going around on a situation, but I need to bring myself back to the present for my children. So I choose to write it down and put it away for a while. Later once I have time, maybe when my children are sleeping, I pick up the problem again and do the hard work of working through it. It needs to be done sometime.

When We Feel Anger Again

Even if we work through issues, sometimes they want to pop up again. Every time I feel my anger and frustration start rising I am learning to stop and say, “What is too much for me right now?” Sometimes it is feeling hurt by others again.

Remember that you can never change others, and life here on earth will never be perfect. If someone is hurting or has hurt you, you should clearly tell them so they have the opportunity to correct the issue if they wish. But even if they don’t, you don’t need to stay trapped and unable to be who you need to be.

Your healing in order to be a good mom is totally up to you. No one else has to change in order for you to be the person you need to be. God has made a way that we can be all right even if others around us aren’t.

Remember that you also can not change anyone else. Whether they choose to change or not is totally up to them, and if we try to force it to happen, things usually don’t work out well. Walk away if it’s an abusive situation, but learn to accept the shortcomings of others. Forgiveness and accepting who others are, and that maybe they won’t change, is really hard. That is where as Christians we have the blessing of help from Jesus. 

Once I learned to accept, grieve, and feel the situation, and then get up and keep going, I was able to be a much more patient mom. Sure it was very hard, but all things are possible in Christ Jesus, and in the end, He is all we need.

Count your blessings too. That helps so much to rise above painful situations. When we look for the good in others and the world around us, we start seeing our blessings, and it is often easier to be the mom we need to be.

Do you want to get this information in ebook form? Sign up below to download it for free:

Quick Anger Management Techniques

All the hard work of working through our past, present, and pain is a lot. It takes time to become a calm patient mom. We need to find healthy ways to work through our anger. But what about when we need quick ways to get us out of the heat of the moment so we don’t hurt our children? (Trust me, I have been so overwhelmed occasionally in my motherhood journey that I was about ready to hurt my children, even physically.) Here are some simple things you can try when you feel the heat rising too fast to work through it deeply.

Ask God for Help

Even though I mention different ways to work through anger, the most important thing is to ask God for help. It can be a whispered prayer at any moment. We can work on controlling the atmosphere around us, but there will be times when we are overwhelmed, but our children need us. In those times, God will have the answer for us.

Go Away

It might be best to hide yourself in your room or the bathroom for a bit till you get control of your emotions. If the children are safe you may even need to let them cry a bit while you collect yourself. Take some deep breaths. Think about what is too much for you at the moment and how you could solve the problem. It might mean leaving the projects you had hoped to accomplish for another day.

Occupy the Children

Sometimes if you really need to do something or work through something, and you find yourself getting angry at your children, think of some way to change the situation. Sit them down to watch an approved video or let them do something else that keeps them occupied till you are in a better position to be a good mom again.

Send Them to Someone Else

If you are really struggling, sometimes the best way to be a good mom is to send your children to someone else. If you need to keep them safe even from yourself, do it. I have to admit that in some moments of postpartum depression I had to send my children to a trusted neighbor or their grandma, or ask my husband to come home from work, because I was not in a good enough position to care for them safely.

Ask for Forgiveness

I still fail frequently in being the mom I should be. When we do fail and use our anger in the wrong way, we need to ask forgiveness from our children and try to correct the situation. If you have failed, not all is lost. Get up and try again. Your children need that from you.

Save it for Later.

More Help

I am not a professional and this is by no means the answer to everyone’s anger problems. This is just what has worked for me and I hope it helps you too. But if you need some more help, I was recently blessed to watch a YouTube conversation by Lisa Bass and Natalie Hixon on anger. Natalie Hixon also uses her blog to help moms deal with destructive anger. Check out Natalie’s blog.

If you need, by all means get professional help. Most of all, remember to look to Jesus for overcoming the things that make you struggle with using your anger wrong. Again, remember that the feeling of anger in itself is not wrong. It’s just letting you know that something is too much for you, and you need to work through it or figure out a solution so you don’t pass the hurt on to another family member. Take courage, mama!