Becoming a mom can really shake your confidence. Maybe you want to be the best mom there is, but when you start hearing so many opinions on what you should do and how to do it, it can make you wonder what is really the right way to be the perfect mom. I want you to know that you can be a confident mom.
When I became a mom I tried to learn all I could. I studied books, watched videos, and asked questions. I observed other moms. How I could know I was doing the right thing? Here in Costa Rica you also get a lot of advice thrown your way by anyone about anything related to pregnancy or baby! A lot of the advice conflicts too.
Over time I have learned that I can be a confident mom. I can make the choices I feel our right for my family. Just smile and move on when someone gives advice that isn’t down my line. So here are some of the things I have learned, that may help you feel confident in your mothering journey.
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There is no perfect mom, but you can be a good mom for your children.
We can’t be perfect even if we want to. We can, however, be the mom our children need us to be. Being a good, wonderful mother does not mean being perfect at the job.
We are not perfect, but we have a perfect Heavenly Father who will supply where we fail our children.
Take the pressure of perfection off yourself, do your best, keep learning, and trust God for the rest.
Know that you will fail.
As much as we know we will fail, we want so much to do it all right. Accept that there will be times you won’t get it all right. When that happens, apologize, get up again, and do your best. Keep growing in your mothering abilities.
Mommy Wars and Opinions
We moms have so many opinions and ideas, and tend to feel that ours is the best. We seek to justify our selves by putting other moms and their ways of doing things down.
Baby wearing or not?
Sleep training or co-sleeping?
Homeschooling or sending our children to school?
Those are just some of the things about which you will probably hear many different opinions. And which is the right way of doing everything to be the perfect mom?
For many things there is more than one right way of doing it. Do what works best for you and your children. For me I love the idea of taking your baby with you everywhere in a carrier, but it ends up tiring me out to much so I rarely do. I still hold my babies a lot, but I also often put them down nearby somewhere.
Co-sleeping may be a good idea, but I just can’t sleep as well, and it wears me out more, so I just put my babies in a crib for the nights. I do what I need to to do to make me the best mom I can be. For that I need to be well rested.
In the end, what makes you the best mom you need to be? I think lack of confidence is what ends up starting the mommy wars. But when you can be confident that you are doing the best for you and your family, you can also accept that it may look different for someone else.
Ask moms who have raised their families well.
My husband and I have observed lots of families. We wanted to know what it was that makes successful families where their children turn out well. We asked questions.
Our family still is in the process, so we don’t know if we will get it right. However, there are some principles that seemed to apply across the board. There are points like there must be no hypocrisy in the parents, and home should be a happy place with mutual respect, that define successful families.
Most times you will find good moms with happy children on both sides of the advice (like to homeschool or not). If you see the families are successful and happy, ask them questions.
We saw families that tried to shelter their children in order raise them to be good. But that wasn’t always the solution.
I have a friend who has inspired me so much. She raised her children pretty much next to a bar, but they have all turned out well. I asked her for the secret once.
She, and other parents who have raised their families well, say one of the secrets is that home needs to be a happy, welcoming place. Her children saw the sad effects that come with bars, and saw the happiness in their own home. The choice was simple.
My friend would play with children at break time in their homeschool. As much as parents around here love their children, they don’t often play with them. People stopped by and asked for parenting advice when they saw her, because it was obvious they had a happy home.
Maybe homesteading is the best choice, but maybe God is calling you to the city, and that is not what determines what makes or breaks a family. Delight in your children, be intentional, and learn from successful families.
Struggling With Confidence
For me one of the struggles with confidence comes when I see older children rebelling when I thought their parents were doing well.
What if I am doing things wrong? It comes down to having to trust our Heavenly Father, do the best I can, and let them go when they become adults to make their own choices, even if it is different from my preferences.
My children might not grow up exactly like I hoped, but once they are older I want them to love and respect me, and I want them to know I love them and respect their choices.
God has called you. You can be a Confident Mom.
If God has called you to be a mom, know that He will give you the wisdom if you ask Him for it.
You are not a bad mom just because everything is not perfect.
Just because of a hard day or tantrums from the toddler, it doesn’t mean you have totally failed. You can grow and learn each day.
Don’t let someone shake your confidence. No two moms are alike. You don’t have to do the same as other good moms. Do what is best for your family.
Save it for later.
You can’t be a perfect mom, but you can be a good mom. When you fail, apologize, get up, and do better. Ask God for Wisdom. Observe families that have done it well. Be intentional. Be confident in that you can be good mom, even if it is different from another good mom. Let God do the rest. Happy mothering!