Surviving the First Years of Motherhood

As a young mom of four children who at one point were all five and under, motherhood was much harder than I expected. This life is my dream come true, but it has demanded way more of me than I ever would have imagined. How can “dream come true” be so hard?

Here are some of the things I learned that made it easier to cope when the littles years were a struggle. If you are in the thick of it, be assured that it does get better!

Best Tips for Surviving the Littles Years

Accept sleepless nights.

In whatever stage you are, hard is hard. By now having just one sounds easy.

The first year of motherhood was very hard. My oldest was fussy and wouldn’t go to sleep till about midnight. My fourth was also about as fussy. Sure it was tough, but I had already learned some about how to just roll with it. It was much easier to accept it and do my best.

If possible and necessary, sleep whenever the baby sleeps.

Don’t plan exactly what you will do.

With babies, you just can’t set high expectations of how much you will get done. There will be good days when you get more done, and days when you just keep everyone alive and fed.

It is much easier if you don’t have your heart set on getting a certain project done on a certain day. Maybe you will, and maybe you won’t.

Remember that this too shall pass.

As a new mom with my first baby I felt like I would never feel like myself again, never catch up on sleep again, always be exhausted and behind in housework, etc.

But after four babies I have seen the seasons of motherhood come and go, even though it feels like they last a long time. Sometimes I about got caught up before I had my next baby.

When I was so tired of diaper changes with my third, I wrote on the unfinished wall above her changing table, “This too shall pass.” It did (except that the unfinished wall with the writing is still there!), and by now my fourth baby is out of pampers as well.😁

It gets easier.

If you wonder how moms of many do it, just know that it gets easier with practice. My fourth baby was basically as hard as my first, but it was less overwhelming, and I had four little ones to care for! Sure I got some help, but one just learns to handle everything better with practice.

Be intentional with your littles.

I don’t have much time to give each of my children undivided attention, but I do my best to see them as little souls with their own individual personalities. If all I can do is look them in the eye, smile, and tell them I love them, I do. Each child is a gift, and I always want to remind myself of that.

Take time for yourself.

I can almost hear your sarcastic snort to this, and I wrote about how to get through those days when you can’t take time for yourself in this article of encouragement for overwhelmed moms.

But I have also learned how I need to fill my own cup when I can in order to be there for my children. Once I run dry I can’t be the mother my children need. It is better to take a bit care of myself.

Sometimes all I can do is stop for a few seconds and breathe deeply and lift my eyes to the distant mountain and the beautiful veiw behind my house. It reminds me that life is bigger than what happens within the four walls of my home.

Sometimes I can sneak in a bit of time to work on my favorite hobby, blogging. Other times a walk outdoors with my children is the break I need.

But we need to work on taking care of our physical, spiritual, and mental health as well by filling our own cups, even if it is just a few drops at a time.

Remember that no one does it all.

In this world of social media, we see plenty of pretty, cleaned-up homes, or families “making memories.” But few people show all their messy places and times.

We have to remember that other moms are like us. No one does it all and there is no perfect mother.

I once read somewhere about someone who saw a “pretty curls” mom bring her daughter to the pools and take nice pictures together out of the water, and then let her girl get in the water a little while, while she was busy on her phone.

The little girl wanted her mom to come in and play, but she never did. After a while they left.

The author imagined that other moms seeing the perfect pictures of “pool party with my little girl” would feel discouraged in their messy homes, but really they would be doing the better part by choosing to invest in their children more than in perfect pictures. That’s what makes a good mom. (I am not saying we can never have everything cleaned up and nice, but it isn’t always possible with littles.)

And remember, it’s the simple things that make you a better mom.

No judgment for other moms.

I don’t want to minimize anyone’s hard. Hard is hard, it doesn’t matter how it compares to other people’s hard. Even the most organized mothers will likely sometimes be in survival mode.

Before I had children I felt as though I could do it all. I was ambitious and healthy. But when I hit tough spots in motherhood I faced some humbling. I, who “could do it all” , couldn’t anymore. How did other women even manage?

I learned that I couldn’t do it all. We all need the grace and strength from our heavenly Father.

It especially shocked me when I realized that I could understand how mothers could end up in jail for hurting their children, but still say they loved them.

Postpartum depression and its relatives can be very real. I no longer judge moms who are going through hard times, and have shared my own vulnerable motherhood story.

For the sake of your children make sure you find help, even medical professionals if you need it, and don’t hurt your children.

Ask God for strength and wisdom.

Remember that our creator will supply our needs. When we are totally broken, His strength comes through.

Once we were coming home from my parent’s place. We left tired from a long day and faced a two-hour drive home. The baby was screaming for a good while, so offended that we left him in the car seat. Two of the girls were crying and feeling like they needed to throw up (which thankfully they didn’t), and one of them needed like three bathroom stops in the first 15 minutes.

In all that chaos, I remembered (probably because I have been thinking for a few days about what I have been writing about) that I can give myself as an offering to God, and care for these precious gifts He has entrusted to us. It didn’t try my patience as much as it might some other times.

Ask for Help

There should be no shame in a young mom asking others for help. Maybe you have family members or friends who could help sometimes. It might be as simple as giving them your list of things you need from the grocery store.

Get help when you need it!

Save it for later!

In Conclusion

I hope these lessons I have learned in my first years of being a mom can be a blessing to you as you go through these beautiful, sometimes hard, and messy, years of motherhood. Someday we will look back and wish some of these moments could be repeated.

Remember to check out the article on encouragement for the times you just can’t take time for yourself, or read more about finding joy in the tough seasons of motherhood. You can also see my birth stories if that interests you.

What has helped you survive your toughest mothering days? Be sure to let us know in the comments!