How to Find Joy in the Tough Seasons of Motherhood
Sometimes it can be really hard to find joy in the tough seasons of motherhood.
I for one had always dreamed of being a mom, and I thought I would love it. I do a lot of the time. But honestly, there are plenty of times when I don’t look at my days with joy and delight. It seems like a chore to be a mom.
In my search for simple ways of finding joy in these hard moments (like when I go through interrupted nights with the children’s needs), I have learned a few things that I want to share with other moms who are going through similar struggles.
Tough Days
My dreams of motherhood included long walks, reading lots of stories, playing and laughing with my children, and a lot of things that seemed effortless. Now as I often feel like I live in a whirlwind, it doesn’t look so much like my dreams. Some days I am just moving from one emergency to the next. Having several young children can be really demanding. It can be hard to enjoy or find joy in these intense, hard days.
Even as a new mom with only one child, I was surprised at how difficult it sometimes was.
But the good news is that there is joy, we just have to know how to find it.
How do we find joy?
These are some of the things that I have learned that help me to find joy in this journey of motherhood.
“The joy of the Lord is your strength.”
Nehemiah 8:10 includes the phrase “the joy of the Lord is your strength.” This tells us two things: joy comes from the Lord, and His joy gives us strength. Motherhood can be hard to enjoy because we need more strength. The first step is to ask the Lord for joy. That is the best way to get it. Joy gives us strength and courage to go on. Remember that happiness can come from the circumstances around us, but joy comes from Jesus.
J-O-Y
Have you heard the little chorus that goes, “J-O-Y, J-O-Y, J-O-Y must be, Jesus first, yourself last, and others in between”? Joy comes from putting Jesus first. I do think self-care is important for moms but it should be done in the right way. By prioritizing others and not demanding the best of everything, we will not require as much to make us happy, and we will be able to find joy.
Count the Little Blessings
On days when I get overwhelmed and bogged down by all I have to do, when I find it hard to find joy in my motherhood journey, I remind myself to count my blessings, even the little things. There are the little bouquets from chubby fingers, baby rolls and smiles, bird songs, a glimpse of the distant mountains with their splendor, and so much more.
Just getting to be a wife and mom is a huge blessing.
Make it a habit to look around you and count all the blessings. You will find that it is easier to face the hard seasons from that perspective. The little bit of time it takes to practice gratitude can make a huge difference in how you feel about motherhood.
(Tip: Have a gratitude journal and at least once a day write down some simple things that bring joy: flowers, new baby snuggles, a bubble bath, warm hugs, God’s grace, or anything you can think of. When you look back over your journal, you will see that every single day has small moments of joy. Together they add up!)
Live in the Moment
Another thing that steals our joy is when we try to live in the future or in the past where we think things are/were better. That really doesn’t help, even if the present moment is hard. If we learn to be content with what we have and where we are now, joy will come so much easier. You will see that there are many great times in motherhood as well.
Accept That it is Tough
For me at least, admitting to myself that it is tough and not denying that I don’t always enjoy it, helps me to accept it. Not everything is always sparkly and fun. There will be a dull moment here and there, or some absolutely not glamorizing times. We want the good feelings, but we need to accept that it won’t always be all sunshine and rainbows as long as we are on earth. Those simple mindset shifts have really helped me out.
Remember That This Will Pass
These are words of encouragement from many older moms, but sometimes they can really annoy us if we are just seeking to survive a hard day. Sure the days feel so long now, and yet the time goes by fast. The moments we don’t enjoy will pass too. Some day we will look back with nostalgia on the times when our children were little and we could rock them. It will not last forever.
I don’t think we need to feel mom guilt when we have a hard time enjoying every moment, but realize that someday we will miss some parts of these little years.
More Practical Tips to Make Finding Joy Easier
Establish a Good Routine.
I have found when I have a good routine going, and manage to keep reasonable order, it is so much easier to enjoy motherhood. It certainly is not possible nor healthy for young children to always have everything in perfect order, but we need balance. If you are struggling with routines and order, sit down and make a plan (including chores for your children) that could help you, so that you can enjoy your home and children more.
Get Rid of Unrealistic Expectations
When we expect too much of our children, neither they nor we can enjoy ourselves. As hard as it is, sometimes we need to let go of our high expectations. It’s okay to have some mess and dirt sometimes (though I highly recommend getting everything cleaned up regularly too!)
Don’t compare yourself with others either. That is a big thief of joy. Each of us have our strengths and weaknesses, and advantages and disadvantages. You can’t be someone else, so don’t expect to be able to be just like them.
Find Time to Rest
This one is one of the hardest ones for us busy young moms. So much is calling us that we don’t want to rest. But in order to have joy in motherhood, you need to make time for free time. Sure, being totally free when you have young children is just not possible unless you find someone who can babysit for a while (and do that occasionally if possible.) But even with your children, pull yourself away from your work and just enjoy them for a little while.
We need to be intentional about this to avoid missing out on the happy parts of the motherhood experience. Our day-to-day life can make us lose out on the joyful moments if we don’t take time to focus on them.
Save it for Later.
When You Just Can’t
Sometimes postpartum depression or some other tough situation can make finding joy in motherhood pretty much impossible. Ask the Holy Spirit for help on the bad days, and find other women who can be your support system. Get professional help too if you need it. Just don’t give up.
In Conclusion
I hope you are encouraged to seek joy in motherhood, even in the tough seasons. Seasons don’t last forever. Days will come when enjoying motherhood is easier. I am cheering for you.
Let me know in the comments what you do to find joy in the tough seasons.
