A Real Conversation on How Hard Motherhood Can Be
Motherhood ends up being harder for most of us than we ever imagined. Even for someone like me who dreamed of being a mom, the overwhelm has caught me off guard several times. I have sometimes been surprised that I felt like I didn’t enjoy being a mom at all.
A few years ago when I was a new mom of just two little girls who were 16 months apart, I wrote the following “story” of one of my baking days. Looking back on that season, I am glad I have this reminder. Any season, even with just one or two little ones, can be hard.
The Story: How a day baking with just little children can go.
It is the Great Baking Day. You know, the day you fill up the freezer to not need to bake for a few weeks. The day you bake a double batch of bread, three kinds of cookies, a cake, and a batch of granola.
Being a busy mom of two young girls (8 months and 2 years old at the time), I set my alarm for 5 a.m. to get a good start to the day. Of course, the baby has to nurse at 5 too. I then get ready for the day, read my Bible, make breakfast, eat breakfast, have family devotions, kiss my husband off to work…and why, it is 7:15 already!
Dress baby for the day.
Dress and comb toddler.
Start a load of laundry (with diapers at least one load has to be done every day).
Take toddler to the potty.
Make beds.
Clear table.
Nurse fussing baby.
Get coloring book and crayons down for toddler.
Put baby down to nap…
I take advantage of baby sleeping to give the floor a quick sweeping. Sweeping is a must with a crawling, eat-everything-in-reach baby. Then I hang out the laundry so it dries before the afternoon rain. Maybe I can mix something up before the baby wakes…but alas, I hear the baby cry. It is 9:30 on the Great Baking Day…
Pick up baby and change diaper.
Get the mixer and recipes together.
The girls always want to watch so I pull out a chair for the toddler and pick up the baby to put her in the Bumbo seat. She has a wet diaper again…
Change baby.
Put her in Bumbo seat on table.
Toddler urgently needs potty.
That finished, I get out the first ingredient.
Answer a phone call.
Finally start mixing first batch of cookies.
The girls like to taste the ingredients so I give them pinches of sugar, flour, and oatmeal. They are starting to learn ingredient tastes so that, you know, they can do the baking for me someday.
Finish up mixing first batch of cookies.
Nurse baby.
Get chicken baking for dinner.
Comfort toddler who tripped and bumped herself.
Stick cookie dough in the fridge since I can’t dedicate myself to getting them baked now.
It is 11 o’clock on the Great Baking Day. I have to get dinner ready and both girls are very fussy. I hold back the tears but a few squeeze out anyway. Only one batch of cookies mixed…
We have an hour of “dinner break” at noon. When Daddy leaves at one, the girls go down for naps. I sigh a little, and take advantage to give the house a quick tidying and sweeping, again.
This Mommy can’t run forever, so I take a little break to read and nap a bit.
Baby wakes up at 2:30. After a nursing and a changing, I finally start baking those cookies while washing up dishes and cleaning up laundry. At four the toddler wakes up, and the rest of the day goes with supper making, bathes, etc…
At the end of the day, after the girls are tucked in bed, I sit down to think about the Great Baking Day. How nice it would be to have a freezer full of baked stuff. It would be much easier without little girls. Sigh…
I check up on the girls. Their sweet, peaceful, little faces…It melts me. If I had to choose between a full freezer, or two girlies, well, the choice is simple. And I am sure there are ladies who would gladly change their full freezers for a couple of girlies.
I give them each a little pat as I relax from the frustrations of the day. These days are tough and my freezer is empty, but my heart is full. I am rich.
Someday I might have Great Baking Days, but for now – thank you, God, for two sweet little girls.
Hard Days and Sleepless Nights
Most of us long to be a good mom, but it just seems like too much going on that is too hard.
Sometimes it seems like that is all motherhood is made up of. I have come to see that the hardest part of it has to do with the intensity of motherhood. At certain stages, there are no breaks.
Having a few years more of perspective (while only a bit more than 7 years of motherhood perspective now), I know that it is all about seasons. Now with four, it is still very intense at times, but I do get more breaks.
In many ways it’s harder, but in many ways it’s easier. The older ones help more. They are all potty trained so no daiper washing.
All those nights I woke up to nurse? They all sleep about 10 hours straight through. Sure there might someday be another baby, or seasons of sickness bring interrupted sleep.
Being Adults is Hard
There is another thing I have thought of. Simply living the adult life with its responsibilities can be hard for anyone. I am by no means claiming that someone without children doesn’t have a hard time.
Perspectives and Coping Strategies
In everything, we need to watch our perspective. If we focus on the hard, it will feel harder. I am still learning to “toughen up,” not complain, and focus on my blessings instead.
Sometimes our own coping strategies make it harder for us. What do we do when we feel it’s too hard? Do we hide and not face our problems, or do we face them bravely?
Save it for later!
It’s Worth It
Motherhood is tough, and it will be hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel on your most intense days. I sympathize deeply with anyone feeling like they are drowning in it all.
But let’s focus on Christ, and how He will carry us. Our children are so worth all we have to go through to raise them. Count all the blessings, even the little things.
If you need more encouragement, check out this article on following Jesus’ example when we are overwhelmed.
Take courage and brave on!
Oh I feel you! This is so sweet and so true! There are seasons of life and great baking days don’t usually fit in the babies and toddler season for me either. You’re doing great!
Thanks! That actually happened a few years ago and things usually go better now.
Lol this sounds about right! Wouldn’t trade it for the world though🤍
Exactly, though there were days I felt like trading it all. But I definitely wouldn’t!