When You Realize You’re Not Enjoying Motherhood (Even Though It’s Your Dream Life)
From the time I was a little girl I always dreamed of being a mom. I would have a bunch of little ones all in a row. Others could dream of whatever they wanted, but the little ones were my dream. I imagined 10-12 of my own.
To be honest, I never saw how much work little ones actually were. My youngest sibling (and I am the oldest of us four) was born when I was six so I didn’t see or remember my mom’s challenges in the littles years. We sometimes babysat for others for a couple of hours, but that time was just wonderful for me. Babies and little ones have always made me happy.
Now that I have my own four, ages eight and under, I understand why people say they are done. I used to not understand how anyone could get to that point. Now I no longer judge someone who says that.
Motherhood can be totally overwhelming sometimes. If you feel guilty for not enjoying motherhood, this post is for you. You are not alone.
Dreams of Motherhood, and the Reality
A couple of years ago, I found the movie Mom’s Night Out. It totally resonated with me at the time. I remember the mom in the story saying something along the lines of that she always wanted to be a mom, but now that she was living her dream life, she wasn’t enjoying it anymore. I felt that all the way.
Probably parts of life end up being harder for everyone than they had imagined, whether they are a mom, or living any other life they would have thought was their “dream life.” Life just is not easy.
Sure, there are beautiful days. Sure, there is lots of fun and joy in motherhood and life in general. But there are also days so hard it is almost impossible to find the silver lining in anyone’s life.
My dream continues to be to have a bunch of little ones, but it is more balanced by reality. Motherhood can be REALLY HARD sometimes. There have been times when I have most certainly been ready to say I am done.
If You Are Struggling to Enjoy Motherhood
It helps to realize that seasons come and go. Hard and joy are mixed through our days.
Sometimes I laugh at my children’s antics. Other days I cry over the simplest things and feel like I will never get this mom thing right.
It’s okay to enjoy the good, acknowledge the hard parts of our “dream life,” and remember that it won’t always be like this.
Finding Joy Again in Motherhood
I want to share some simple steps to help you find joy in motherhood again if you are struggling. These have helped me over the last few years.
Accept That it’s Okay to Struggle
If you are struggling with mom guilt, I want you to know that is okay as well. It is a very common struggle for moms. It’s a feeling that comes from overwhelm. But then find ways to work through it.
Count Your Blessings
Count the little blessings in your everyday life. That is one of the best ways to find joy in motherhood again. Pause and notice all the little moments of happiness, the little gifts from God throughout the day.
Don’t Compare Yourself to Others
Comparison is one of the biggest thieves of joy in motherhood. You mother differently than others, and your children are not like other children. Enjoy your own unique family lifestyle.
Take Time to Rest
Rest is so important in motherhood. It can make a huge difference in how me feel and how much me can enjoy our children. Sure, it is often interrupted with our babies and little ones, but make rest a priority, without feeling guilty about it.
Maybe nap with your children, or let them play around you as you just sit and enjoy them for a bit. Get out of the house so you don’t see the work around you as well.
Ask for Help
Don’t be afraid to ask for help when you need it, especially when you have others around who would be glad to help. It can make a huge difference in how you feel about your children, because usually when you find you don’t have such an overwhelming to-do list, it is easier to find the joy.
Learn to Lean on God
This should probably be at the top of the list. Learning to find our strength in God is one of the greatest things we can learn in motherhood. He gives us the strength when we are weary, but our children need us.
Remember that this is a Season.
The littles years of motherhood, as I like to call them, are often tiring and overwhelming. Enjoy them to the fullest as you are able, and if you are struggling, remember that it won’t always be like this.
Even just a few more years into motherhood now, I often find that it is much more enjoyable than when I felt like I was drowning in everything.
Living the Dream, Even When it is Hard
So yes, I am living my dream life. It is full of baby smiles, beautiful moments, squished bouquets, “I love yous,” and all the fun things of having children.
It also has the hard parts of pregnancy and labor, tiredness, messed-up hormones, squabbles to settle, and exhaustion some days. Even though I see that now, I wouldn’t want it any other way.
I am grateful for the opportunity to live my dream life, even though it looks quite a bit different than what I imagined it would look like in my dreams years ago.
Bring on the beautiful and the hard. I’ll take the package.
Save it for Later!
Have you ever felt like you were not enjoying motherhood? I would love to hear the steps you have taken to find joy again in the comments below.
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